Psychology: how to find a business approach to a man. How to find an approach to it? What not to do when communicating with an interlocutor

This question has been facing the weaker sex for centuries, but precise instructions for the “ordinary man” have not yet been invented. Surprisingly, the more society develops, the more technology it masters, the less mutual understanding between the sexes becomes. Each of us plunges headlong into the crazy rhythm of life, sometimes not noticing the simplest and most obvious things. A hundred years ago, the main task of a woman was to create comfort and harmony in the family. Our great-grandmothers knew from their girlhood how to approach a man and, at the same time, they had neither the Internet nor a TV.

Learning to understand men

So, how to understand the psychology of men? It is enough to realize that, despite rudeness, independence and ostentatious independence, all male representatives are real children. At least, the inner world of an adult man and a child are very similar. Men, like most children, are straightforward, they say what they think, rarely have and almost never take into account how their behavior or action will affect others. And their train of thought is appropriate. A man is always focused on one thing, completely immersing himself in the process that worries him most now. For example, when talking on the phone, a man will not be distracted by a movie or an interesting program on TV. Rather, on the contrary, extraneous noise will distract and irritate him. And so it is in everything. If you want to convey important information to your man, choose the right moment.

Don't start a serious conversation if you see that your man is busy with work or thinking hard about something. 99% of the time he won’t take the information seriously, but a reason for a quarrel can arise out of the blue.

What does his behavior mean?

Try to present your request/question/suggestion as briefly as possible. Yes, it’s not so simple, we women always want to add color to the conversation, but men, first of all, need logic in the conversation. If you are invited by friends to a wedding anniversary, then there is no need to tell the entire backstory of how the couple met, diluting it with unnecessary dates, events and names. Just say, “Honey, are you busy for the weekend? We were invited to our wedding anniversary on the 24th.” And that’s all: the man received the necessary information about the goal and the time of the event. He will clarify the necessary details himself.

Many women complain that their men are absolutely lazy and don’t want to do anything around the house. There is only one reason for this: we do not know how to ask and we do not know how to thank. Show that you are weak and defenseless, let the man feel like a macho - and the result will not be long in coming. And after a “great feat” (even if he just took out the trash), be sure to smile gently, kiss your man, and tell him that he is the best. Don’t behave as if the man owes you, and forget the expression “I myself.” If you want, don’t be afraid to ask, but just ask, not beg. If a man does not respond to your requests, then he is simply not your man.

In order to understand how a man behaves, you just need to stop for a few moments and understand that you are a woman. Forget for a while about work, household chores, problems, listen to your inner self. Nature rarely deceives, it is important to simply understand and hear yourself, then it will be much easier for you to understand your man.

Read also:

Orthodox calendar

Tuesday, November 26, 2019(November 13, old style)
24th Week after Pentecost
St. John Chrysostom, Archbishop. Constantinople (407)
Saints' Day:
Mts. Manefs (307-308). Mchch. Antonin, Nikephoros and Herman (308).
There is no marriage ceremony.
Readings of the day
Gospel and Apostle:
In the morning: - John 10:1–9 In lit.: -Holiday: Ap.: Hebrews 7:26–8:2 Ev.: John 10:9–16
Psalter:
In the morning: - Ps.46-54; Ps.55-63; Ps.64-69 For eternity: - Ps.119-133

The team, alas, is not chosen. In any office there will be people who annoy everyone and everything. Change jobs? Well, I do not! It’s easier to find a common language with them.

It is much easier to label someone as an “impossible person.” It is much more difficult (but, ultimately, more effective for the workflow) to try to find an approach to this “office book”.
A comfortable, friendly atmosphere in the office is the responsibility of all employees. Help create it!

Catch the wave
A colleague with a very “peculiar” sense of humor, a client who starts breathing right in your face during a conversation... Different people react differently to such characters: some silently accumulate irritation, while others make loud remarks, ruining relationships forever. But there is a better way - not to hide from the destructive force of the shock wave spread by the “difficult colleague”, but... try to tune in to “his wave”.

DON'T HURRY TO JUDGE
Even if you are very annoyed by your colleague’s completely inappropriate jokes, in your opinion, restrain yourself and do not rush to let off steam. Instead, think: what exactly is he trying to achieve with his awkward one-liners? Maybe in this way he is trying his best to relieve tension and break the ice in your relationship? Or gain authority in the team? Or maybe he just wants to illustrate some fact more clearly? Once you understand what motivates the wit, it will be easier to develop a plan to improve the effectiveness of collaboration.

GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS
Once you understand the reasons for your colleague's annoying behavior, you can learn to soften this behavior. For example, one of the employees does not speak, but literally recites - noisily, loudly... Maybe he is simply afraid of not being heard? In this case, use special “feedback” phrases: “As you said...”, “Having considered your words...”, etc. It costs you nothing, and the “speaker” will be sure that the act of communication has taken place and will calm down.

If a colleague constantly attacks you with offers to follow the link and evaluate Ksyusha Sobchak’s new trick or discuss the reasons for Monica Bellucci’s divorce, it is unlikely that she/he is that interested in celebrities - most likely, this is an attempt to establish informal contact with you. In response, discuss Kate Middleton's new look. The relationship will be improved, but remind the employee that action lasts 8 hours and chatting lasts 5 minutes.

MANAGE THE SITUATION
Another thing you have the power to influence is the circumstances around you. If you are annoyed that a colleague leans too close to you when he speaks, do not start a conversation with him when it is especially noisy in your open space, everyone around is discussing something, laughing, the Colleague will have to come close to you and practically whisper in your ear .
Perhaps the best room to communicate with such an employee is an empty, echoing corridor.

DON'T GOSSIP
When a “colorful character” works in your office, everyone is tempted to touch his bones during his absence. Remember: by participating in this, you are risking the very relationships that you have worked so hard to build.
On the contrary, if you manage to gain the respect of a “difficult” colleague, the rest of the employees will probably wonder how you did it. Don’t be afraid to share the knowledge you’ve gained with them: “I realized that she was terrified of making a mistake and getting reprimanded by her boss, and this made our communication much easier.”

Tank

This person loves confrontation, conflict and all types of head-on collisions. Loves to behave aggressively and show pressure. Strategies against "tanks":

Stand your ground. Don't give up your position. Shift your attention to your breathing to avoid losing your temper and remain completely calm.

Stop the attack. The best way to do this is to persistently and persistently repeat the person's name over and over again until he pays attention to you. After that, express your thoughts. Tanks are very slow, so blurt out everything you think about the situation.

Offer peace. If it's not particularly important, say you agree and end the argument.

Sniper

Snipers use rude comments, caustic sarcasm, and know when to roll their eyes to express their contempt. Their job is to make you look stupid. Strategies against "snipers":

Stop, look around, step back. If it seems that your interlocutor is a “sniper,” stop immediately, even in the middle of a sentence. Let him know that you noticed his behavior. Scan him, and in the meantime he will be able to regard silence as a hidden threat, which can play into your hands.

Use spotlight questions. Use two questions that will expose the sniper's behavior. First: “When you say this, what do you really want to say?” Second: “What does your phrase have to do with what I just said?”

Use a tank strategy if necessary. Hold your position, interrupt the person who just interrupted you, drop his accusation and get ready to attack.

Know-it-all

A “know-it-all” is characterized by the fact that he rarely admits his mistakes, and also has little desire to listen to his interlocutor. Such a person may be interesting at first, but such displays of ego become boring and irritating after a while. Strategies against know-it-alls:

Prepare yourself and research your topic thoroughly. Dig deep into the subject that will be discussed in advance. The know-it-all defense system carefully monitors your speech for errors. He will notice any flaw in logic and use it to discredit your entire idea.

Retreat respectfully. You should do this more often than with any other difficult person. Why? Because otherwise you will have to listen to it forever.

Present your ideas indirectly. Act quickly but carefully. Use softening words such as “maybe,” “I’m just wondering,” “what if.”

The one who considers himself a know-it-all

Such people do not always fool others. But for some time they can be the center of attention and persuade them to their point of view, especially if the interlocutors do not have critical thinking and a store of knowledge on the topic. Supposed “know-it-alls” speak so confidently about something that they can create the false impression that it is the ironclad truth. Strategies against a person who considers himself a “know-it-all”:

Give him some attention. Use two methods. First: welcome his thoughts with a little enthusiasm, but don't get involved in pointless conversation. Second: acknowledge the person's positive intention to cover the topic, but don't waste your mental energy and time trying to understand the content of the information he wants to convey.

Clarify what he wanted to say. Ask for clarification of what the person specifically meant. Since he likely likes to generalize and uses words like “always” and “everyone,” ask, “Who exactly?” or “What exactly does this mean?”

Let him save his face. Resist the temptation to put the person down. Instead, make him your ally.

Grenade launcher

After a short period of calm, this explosive person will begin to rant about something completely unrelated to the current topic. He throws out a huge number of emotional phrases, without thinking about the facts and the logical construction of his arguments. Strategies against the "grenade launcher":

Get his attention. To do this, call the person by name, raise your voice, and try to silence him.

Use empathy. Show genuine concern and interest in this person's problems. Say what he wants to hear. The main thing is to reassure him, making it clear that you are no less worried than he is.

Reduce intensity. Lower the volume of your voice.

Step back. If you still can’t have a reasonable discussion, take a break and put your thoughts in order.

Sycophants

In an effort to please everyone and avoid confrontation, such people agree to everything that is offered to them. They say yes without even thinking. This means that the promises made by the “sycophants” will not be kept. If you directly point this out to them, they will begin to get offended and blame anyone but themselves. Strategies against the “sycophant”:

Talk to him one on one. Such people are often hypocrites in companies, promising mountains of gold. Therefore, it is best to talk to them one-on-one and be extremely frank. It may take several meetings with the “sycophant” to finally convince him to keep his promise.

Help him keep his word. It's time to train such a person. Ask yourself: “What motivation does he need?”, “What needs to be done for him to fulfill his promise?” Help him focus on the specific actions, steps, and processes involved in completing a task.

Help him make a commitment. If a person has already let you down several times, ask him directly: “What will you do this time specifically to keep your promise?” Keep track of your obligations.

"Maybe" Man

Such a person constantly puts off his answer or procrastinates in the hope that he will be given a better choice. It is difficult to agree on anything with him, so original methods are needed. Strategies against the "maybe" person:

Set your comfort zone. Remember when you told the seller that you would buy his product later, although you knew for sure that you wouldn’t? You felt uncomfortable telling the truth. Therefore, establish a confidential dialogue with the person. He himself must want to make a decision.

Check your options. Explore the person's choices, what their obstacles are, and why they hesitate. To do this, listen for his words, such as “probably”, “I think so”, “to a large extent”, “that may be true”. These are like beacons indicating that a person either doubts or does not want to make a decision. Act on this information.

Tell him that there is no perfect solution. After that, provide your arguments why you should choose yours. Stay in touch with him by building trust

As you already guessed, we will talk about techniques and techniques that evoke unconscious sympathy and trust among interlocutor, as a result of which you can convince a person that you are right, persuade them to your point of view, force them to say “yes”. In the first part of the article, we will look at how to find an approach and find the key to another person.

Communication between people begins with the communication of their eyes. A glance is the first step on the road to your interlocutor. An open look helps to convey to your interlocutor the meaning of your words and monitor his reaction. If we avoid such a view, then this gives rise to serious distrust and antipathy on the part of our communication partners. It seems, in fairness, it is not always correct that a person hides or withholds some information...

The movement of your body, posture, gestures say a lot about you, sometimes even what you cannot express in words. When you are calm and friendly, you convey a feeling of well-being to the other person. Arms crossed on your chest, legs crossed in a standing position, jaw thrust forward, tense posture without words speak about your negative attitude towards the interlocutor or the situation, and make it difficult to communicate, mutual understanding, and obtaining his consent.

Openness to the interlocutor is indicated by: a natural straight back, a turn of the body in his direction, arms turned towards the interlocutor, a friendly smile, unbuttoned outerwear, approving nods of the head, keen interest in the conversation, reducing the distance with another person, touching his hand - if the interlocutor doesn’t mind and doesn’t start to move away.

To make your words more convincing, sales experts recommend making an “addition” or rapport to your interlocutor. Rapport- this is an emotional and intellectual connection established between people in the process of their communication and based on mutual sympathy and understanding. It assumes:

• accepting the partner’s posture and repeating his basic gestures;
• adopting his emotional mood (this works better for women);
• adapting to the pace and volume of his speech;
• the use of individual words and expressions characteristic of him in his statements;
• adjustment to the partner's breathing rhythm.

The main thing in all this is that your “extension” looks natural and does not catch the eye.

And regardless of the situation, when you speak in a calm, confident, trusting, intonation-colored voice, you add greater persuasiveness to your words.

In order to make a person feel positive towards you from the very beginning of the conversation, use techniques to attract attention:

• address by name (if you don’t know the name, use polite address);
• appeal to the interests of the interlocutor;
• acceptance of empathy, complicity,
• a humorous, harmless (!) remark to defuse the situation.

This way you establish initial consent. The next stage in effective communication is unifying interest. To do this, the points of contact between the interests of the interlocutors, their similarity in anything, the commonality of your views, experience, plans, etc. are emphasized. The more similarities you find, the easier it will be for you to convince your interlocutor in the future. (“You and I understand the subtleties of the situation...”) Therefore, if possible, be aware of information about how he lives, what he is like, tactfully ask about his problems and plans, try to see the picture of the world through his eyes.

When perceiving the personality traits and characteristics of another person during contact interaction, a curious psychological phenomenon occurs: the “revision effect” through personal meaning. In such a situation, a person perceives the qualities of another in constant correlation with his own qualities. At the same time, he usually imagines that the same actions are being carried out in relation to himself. The revision effect, in turn, causes a psychological resonance or attunement to one emotional wave, speeds up and improves the interaction of communication partners.

You can move on to the main part of the conversation, being almost sure of its positive outcome when.

Have you noticed that the same people behave differently with their interlocutors? When you asked your boss for a day off at work, he waved his hand irritably and pointed to the corner of the table, hinting at an official document for such an occasion. And a colleague who urgently needed to “visit his grandmother in Uryupinsk” easily received his time off without any bureaucratic delays in a minute. How so? Or this option: you ask a salesperson in a supermarket where to find a plunger for your bathroom, to which he indifferently waves towards the department with household goods, hinting to look somewhere there. And with another buyer he is incredibly friendly and will even go through the entire store to help with finding the right product.

You can answer: yes, I'm just an unlucky person. Or unattractive. But is it? Remember: everything is in our hands, learn to find an approach to your interlocutor, and for this you should learn how to understand people.

If you want to become successful, be the center of attention among friends and colleagues at work, win sympathy among the opposite sex, learn to find an individual approach to people with different character types, life and moral principles. In the future you will definitely, and that communication can be pleasant and useful.

Psychology and technology of everyday communication

What happens at the first moment of communication between acquaintances and strangers? You meet the person's eyes and an exchange of glances begins. A glance determines a lot; it is not for nothing that expressions such as “it became clear at first sight”, “love at first sight”, “disliked at first sight” are used in everyday life. If a person is open to communication, then his gaze will convey his intentions and good messages to the interlocutor without words. If a person avoids direct gaze, this causes wariness, serious mistrust or even antipathy on the part of communication partners.

If we want to approach a person, watch your gaze. During a conversation, you should not constantly look away to the side, linger for a long time on your hands, or look over the shoulder of your interlocutor. It may seem that the person is hiding something or not saying something.

After exchanging glances, the interlocutor will definitely “assess” you visually: how you move, your posture and gestures. If you behave freely and relaxed (not to be confused with relaxed), all your gestures speak of (you have a straight back, body and arms turned towards the interlocutor) and goodwill, then the interlocutor will be conveyed a feeling of calm, and he will tune in to a positive wave.

• Find out and remember the name of the person you are going to meet, since a person’s own name is a very significant and important word.
• Smile as often as possible, as smiling creates an atmosphere of happiness, goodwill and respect. A kind and sincere smile will create a feeling of calm, relaxation in your interlocutor and will cause sympathy for you.
• Show genuine interest in the interlocutor and the problems that concern him. Perhaps this particular person you are talking to now will turn out to be a truly interesting and extraordinary person. So show your interest starting with a greeting.
• Don't forget to wish your friends, colleagues and acquaintances a happy birthday. Have you noticed that a few days before your birthday you feel anxious? On an unconscious level, we worry whether friends and colleagues will remember this date. And if yes, then this congratulation will bring great joy.
• Try to be a good listener, give your interlocutor the opportunity to talk about himself, because sincere attention is a great way to win over a person.
  

  Ask correct questions, answering which the interlocutor will not feel awkward and will answer them with pleasure.

• During the conversation, be clearly aware of what interests and desires captivate your interlocutor, what he values ​​in life, and support the conversation on these topics. If you are an attentive interlocutor, you can easily find points of common interest with your interlocutor. Perhaps you have common views on certain things, have had similar experiences in business, and have similar future plans. The more similarities and points of contact you find, the easier you will find an approach to your interlocutor in the future.

What not to do when communicating with an interlocutor

If you do not want your interlocutor to perceive communication with you negatively, psychologists advise that during a conversation do not keep your arms crossed on your chest, interlock your fingers and stand with your legs crossed. These poses say without words that you are tense and worried. And vice versa, you should not come close to your interlocutor, clap him on the shoulder, or grab his hand. The interlocutor may perceive such behavior and gestures as familiarity or an attack on personal space. Try to keep an eye on yours at first, and later, as they make communication and mutual understanding between interlocutors difficult.

If during a conversation you find that the topic raised by the interlocutor is close to you, is your “strong point”, and you really want to show off your knowledge and awareness, do not interrupt him, wait until the interlocutor brings the idea to its logical conclusion, and only then express your point of view. You've probably had to deal with a similar situation more than once, and what a negative aftertaste it leaves.

When trying to find an approach to a person, try to rarely say that he is wrong, do not question his intellectual abilities and views on any things, do not strike a blow to his pride. It’s better to show with a slight smile and approving nods that you respect the opinion of your interlocutor.

How to find an approach to a person with a difficult character

People who do not get along with others, cannot stand criticism and are easily irritated, see events in life in black and white and are overwhelmed, are called “a person with a complex character.” They, with strangers, or, conversely, become isolated and do not make contact. Often people of this type are dissatisfied with themselves.

To find an approach to a difficult interlocutor, try not to “get into his soul,” but delicately ask him what happened or what upset him so much. Hanging out with people who are constantly in a bad mood will not make you feel better. Any little thing, detail or offensive word can easily ruin their mood or throw them off balance.

If a complex and “explosive” character coexist in one person, try to be careful in your statements.

Are you “lucky” to have a boss with such a character? Be moderately polite and friendly, careful and efficient, but also have your own opinion.

How to find an approach to people with different temperaments

Have you asked yourself why, when communicating in a team, the same conversation (message, news) evokes different reactions in people? Some immediately show keen interest in the topic, others show complete indifference and indifference. It’s all very simple: the characteristics of different temperaments are obvious. Let's try to find an approach to people with different types of temperament, using basic data on psychology.

Choleric

• Endowed with an impulsive temperament, loves, does not tolerate falsehood in words and actions.
• Having a dispute with a choleric person? Do not rush to criticize him, and even more so, do not raise your tone - everything will result in a huge scandal. When starting a serious conversation, prepare clear and compelling arguments in advance; at the end of the conversation, be sure to thank for the constructive dialogue, and you will have a chance that the choleric person will change his mind and concede in the dispute.

It can also be noted that choleric people do not like to be spoken to in a quiet and indistinct voice, but they love to give instructions and advice.

• Ask the choleric person to explain or show how he would do this or that thing correctly.

Sanguine

• Strives to please everyone and arouse interest among people around him.
• A sanguine person will not tolerate boredom and indifference, so do not cease to surprise and delight him. If you strive to constantly show interest and curiosity about hobbies, positively evaluate and constantly encourage, you will not have to wait long for a reaction.
• This type of temperament is characterized by disorganization and lack of discipline, therefore, try to check joint plans (scheduled meetings), but delicately.

Phlegmatic person

• This type is slow by nature and cannot act or make decisions quickly.
• Phlegmatic people are secretive emotionally and stingy in expressing feelings, but if you want to find an approach to a person with this type of character, learn to recognize his feelings at the level of intuition.
• Phlegmatic people often underestimate their abilities and capabilities, so believe in them and help them overcome doubts in their abilities and inhibitions.

Melancholic

• A melancholic person has a delicate, vulnerable and very vulnerable nature.
• If you want to find, prepare in advance for whims, grievances, complaints and ailments. Don't feel sorry and generously give your attention.

In nine out of ten cases, a melancholic person will refuse an offer to go for a walk, a hike or a cultural event.

• He loves solitude and would prefer a quiet evening together in a quiet home environment over noisy company.
• Melancholic and punctuality are incompatible things; for him, time flows differently than for other people. Therefore, if you have an appointment or meeting, be prepared to wait.

Remember: no people are so complex that you can’t figure them out and find an approach. The main thing is to want! And take into account the tips described above.