Feeling guilty after infidelity, women try to understand whether a man can forgive his wife for cheating on him. Much depends on the nuances of the affair and the wife’s behavior. The psychology and logic of husbands is different from women’s, and this can be taken advantage of.
American scientists conducted a survey and found that 6 out of 10 women can forgive infidelity, while among men only every tenth accepted an apology.
Why are women more pliable and men more inflexible? Due to upbringing and social pressure, the behavior of women and men is very different, especially in stressful situations. How can psychology explain the reaction to betrayal from the point of view of a man and a woman:
- Women are more pragmatic. It is believed that ladies make all decisions on emotions, without thinking through the situation. But in reality, if a husband’s infidelity is revealed, many wives immediately think about the consequences of separation, what they will lose, about children and their future. In a similar situation, a man can behave emotionally, cutting off all ties at once, and then regret the decision he made in the heat of the moment.
- Influence of feelings. Women more often pay attention to spiritual connections than to physical ones. Therefore, it is easier for a spouse to forgive a man’s infidelity, for example, under the influence of alcohol. But emotional betrayal (falling in love) can be a severe blow for them. Husbands perceive any betrayal as betrayal.
- Determination. It is easier for men to decide to break up than for women. According to statistics, 75% of women hesitate in critical situations, while 60% of men are ready to cut from the shoulder. It is impossible to say which behavior is better, especially since many divorced husbands later regret their decision.
- Possessiveness. Men raised in a competitive environment find it difficult to accept that someone beat him in the fight for a woman. Especially when it comes to your wife. After all, for her husband she is a conquered peak, he has achieved the “lady of his heart” and considers himself a winner. Finding out that his trophy went to someone else, he feels hurt. Having received such a blow in the back, it is very difficult for him to forgive his betrayal of a woman.
- Financial difficulties. It's not just housewives and the temporarily unemployed who worry about money. But men look at this issue from the other side - a long and tedious process of dividing up jointly acquired property, large financial losses, monthly alimony payments. Sometimes it’s easier to forgive your wife’s betrayal and move on with your life.
- Children. On one issue, men and women often agree: you can continue to live in marriage even after betrayal, even when the feelings have passed, if they are united by children. For their sake, the husband is able to close his eyes to his wife’s misconduct, but only under certain circumstances. They will be discussed below.
In society, female infidelity is condemned more strongly than male infidelity. Many cannot forgive their wife’s betrayal because of public opinion - they do not want to look like weak-willed henpecked people and “deer”.
Depending on the circumstances
Of course, no one denies guilt in what happened. But situations are different, and the degree of a woman’s guilt depends on the circumstances. It’s worth finding out why exactly this happened:
- The family is going through difficult financial times, and the boss is pestering you with offers to raise your salary or threatening to fire you. The woman is scared, but agrees for the good of the family.
- Work corporate party, too much alcohol, attention from a colleague... And in the morning the wife woke up in the bed of a man who took advantage of her intoxication.
- The husband and wife arrived at the party together, but during the event they had a fight and he left, leaving her alone in upset feelings. He didn’t ask how she would get home, didn’t call, didn’t think about the possible consequences.
- The wife found out about her husband’s betrayal, and in anger decided to take similar revenge - she slept with another man.
- The husband physically or psychologically suppressed the woman for a long time, and she succumbed to a rush of feelings when she met a gentle and caring man.
The wife is, undoubtedly, guilty in each example, but still the circumstances are not as offensive as in the case of targeted infidelity.
There is a difference: a random one-time betrayal or a permanent relationship.
The opposite situation: a woman has a long-term relationship with her lover. She bought a new perfume for him, did her hair, and chooses the best outfits. She lies to her husband about plans for the day, hides evidence, erases correspondence, secretly coos on the phone, spends a lot of time with someone else, etc.
When everything is revealed, you can beg for forgiveness on your knees for a long time, but this can no longer be called a mistake. A woman does everything consciously, thoughtfully, and carefully. Such calculating intriguers frighten men. After all, if you forgive her for cheating, everything can happen again.
Each situation must be considered separately, taking into account many different nuances: the couple’s past, how long they have been together, family relationships and the events that led directly to the betrayal.
Depending on the woman's behavior
Given the circumstances, the husband can meet his wife and turn a blind eye to the betrayal. In such a situation, his final decision will depend on the woman’s behavior. In one case he will give the marriage a second chance, and in another case it will be over.
The future of a relationship depends on a woman’s behavior.
Can forgive his wife's betrayal:
- She sincerely regrets and repents of what happened;
- Admits guilt and does not shift it to her husband;
- The wife shows respect;
- Performs all household chores, provides favorite dishes;
- Has no feelings for her lover;
- I cut off any connection with my lover;
- There are no children, pregnancy or its termination from a lover.
If the offense was the first and the wife promises that it will never happen again, the man will try to forget about what happened.
Will not be able to forget the offense:
- It is not clear that the woman repents of her betrayal;
- She tries to blame her husband for what happened, recalls all his mistakes and nags;
- Refuses to cook and do housework until her husband forgives her;
- She has feelings for her lover;
- After the revelation of the betrayal, she continues to maintain contact with him;
- Pregnant from her lover or the child they shared was his;
- Turns children against husband;
- Mocks the spouse, comparing him to a lover, or otherwise reminds him of his misconduct;
- Continues to flirt with others and dress provocatively when going out.
Seeing such behavior, he simply will not find any reason to forgive. Why build relationships that no longer exist?
Depending on the type of character
How he reacts to betrayal and what he does with this knowledge depends on a man’s temperament. One will explode and throw a wild hysteria, the other will calmly ask about the details. If you are close to your husband, you know his psychotype and usual reactions to problems. Then we can assume his behavior in a situation with betrayal.
The attitude towards your spouse’s infidelity depends on the type of character.
Choleric
Such a man has an explosive character and frequent mood swings. Betrayal for a choleric person is a real blow to pride. He will no longer be able to treat his wife as before:
- There will be hatred towards the spouse for her betrayal.
- His idea of her as a person will change dramatically.
- He will feel disgust towards a woman with whom another man has been flirting.
- After betrayal, he will not be able to trust again, and will be constantly jealous.
Will he forgive his wife? Definitely not.
Melancholic
They also have a very sensitive temperament, but this type of people tends to experience negative emotions within themselves. Melancholic people are very attached to their chosen ones, betrayal hurts them, but they are ready to forgive her in three cases:
- if the betrayal happened only once;
- took place a long time ago;
- there was no emotional attachment to the lover.
Although even if he takes his wife back, he may not forget the betrayal in his soul. If memories and images of your wife with someone else constantly pop up in your head, he may soon move away and the relationship will end anyway.
Phlegmatic person
The phlegmatic type of men is characterized by its stability and calmness in stressful situations. So, having learned about his wife’s misconduct, he will not start a scandal, but will begin to find out the details. There is no need to lie to him - he will feel the lie and will definitely not forgive it.
A phlegmatic person can forgive betrayal in order to avoid change.
Such men are distinguished by pragmatism, not emotionality. So he is more likely to forgive his wife for cheating - such people do not like change.
Sanguine
Easy-going, they love to absorb new emotions, communicate with new people and tolerate failures more easily. It is difficult for them to continue or finish something - they are so drawn to do the next one.
Can a man forgive betrayal if he is sanguine? Most likely no. Why try to repair a broken relationship when there are plenty of new girls around? More often than not, he already has someone on his side.
Statistics: how often do men forgive infidelity
Scientists became interested in whether men forgive infidelity and conducted a number of studies based on tests, surveys and even television shows. It turned out that men are not as truthful and stern as they seem.
To the direct question “can you forgive cheating on your wife” 68% of men responded positively, while 32% of respondents were negative.
The researchers dug deeper - they asked the men not direct, but leading questions. Then we compared their answers with statistics from the registry office and found out that only 7% of spouses separated after their wife cheated.
A husband will be more willing to forgive betrayal if no one knows about it.
It turns out that men are ready to forgive their wives, but cannot admit it in public. This means that if no one around him knows about the betrayal, there is a greater chance that he will forgive the betrayal. After all, in this case he will not lose his reputation and will not be known among his friends as a henpecked person.
Men's opinions about women cheating
Despite the statistics, men react negatively and even aggressively to a direct question. Here are some opinions of men themselves on this matter:
Alexey (25 years old): « All I can do good in this case is not kill anyone. Continue living together? It's disgusting to even think about it».
Georgy (35 years old): « I had a sad story - she cheated, and I pretended to forgive her. I thought about moving on with my life, but the thought haunted me and haunted me every time I wanted to kiss my wife. Life became unbearable - he kicked me out anyway. It seems to me that I acted weakly - I could not forgive. A strong man would forgive».
Maxim (48 years old): « I understand that it is difficult to live with one person for 10-20-30 years and never become interested in a new one. I myself am not without sin. But I'd rather remain ignorant if my loved one is having affairs. Less knowledge - stronger marriage».
Nobody wants to feel like the hero of a joke.
Alexander (45 years old): « Why can't you forgive a woman's infidelity? A woman should not afford what a man can afford. As they say, “a husband’s betrayal is a spit out the window, a wife’s betrayal is a spit out the window”? Shame on the whole family».
Dmitry (27 years old): « My first marriage ended in betrayal on her part. I fell madly in love, proposed to her, and on my wedding night I found out that she had been cheating on me for six months. I honestly tried to forgive and let go - she was so remorseful... If only the story had ended, but a year later I found out about her affair with my friend. Divorced. Now I'm afraid to get attached to girls, I'm always waiting for a catch».
Each person has his own life experience and view of the situation, so it is impossible to predict the behavior of a particular man. You can focus on statistics and the average behavior of husbands. But every story has its own nuances that can completely change the whole picture.
What actions of a man can be tolerated, and what should be nipped in the bud? The director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You,” family psychologist, and consultant on interpersonal relationships, Elena Kuznetsova, tells the story.
Assault
Under no circumstances should you forgive him, because it is a threat to the beauty, health and even life of a woman. From a man who is worth running away from, because the situation will definitely repeat itself over time. According to Kuznetsova, the stronger sex is divided into two categories: those who would never hit a woman under any circumstances, and those who do not consider a fight with a young lady to be something out of the ordinary. It all depends on the conditions and in what family the man was raised. If he saw how, then, most likely, he will transfer this experience into his life.
“If such a situation is unacceptable for a woman, it is worth remembering that it will happen again. And if there is a threat to you and your children, you need to save yourself,” states the psychologist. At the same time, Kuznetsova notes that some women do not see a problem in the fact that their husband sometimes fights. They sincerely believe that “hitting means loving.” Typically, ladies with such a position in life also grew up in a family where parental “fist fights” were the norm.
Narcissism and selfishness
A normal woman, who was loved and pampered as a child, is unlikely to pay attention to. Usually, ladies who are accustomed to being on the sidelines from a very early age are “tailored” to this type. People don’t become narcissists or egoists overnight, and it turns out that a woman who decided to have a relationship with such a man made a conscious choice. And he will live with such a partner.
If, even at the dating stage, a girl suddenly realizes that she has got an egoist or a narcissist, and this does not suit her, then she must break up with the man. It will not change in the future; on the contrary, the situation will only get worse. Your partner will do everything first and foremost for himself, as well. If you're not used to this, run.
Greed
If a woman was not spoiled as a child, then it is not surprising that she will get a greedy man. However, if a woman is “tailored” to a different type, and during the candy-bouquet period it suddenly turns out that she is, you shouldn’t expect a miracle - the boyfriend will not change.
Greed is always noticeable, if not immediately, but nevertheless. For example, it happened in an expensive restaurant - the gentleman was trying to impress, shushed him, and then suddenly began to sharply save money and invite him exclusively to cheap cafes. Another bad call - your partner reproaches you for squandering: “It’s too expensive”, “Why did you buy this?”, “Don’t you mind spending 1000 rubles on lipstick?” etc.
In addition, greedy men like to complain about the high cost: “How prices have risen in stores, coffee cost 120 rubles, and now it’s 123 rubles,” “How expensive movie tickets have become, we went to the morning show, it’s the cheapest,” etc. Of course, any man can talk about rising prices, but the greedy one will not just state a fact, but will focus attention.
Kuznetsova warns that it is impossible to rehabilitate a greedy person. And if you start reproaching him for greed, you will only provoke a scandal.
Dangerous addictions
Alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease. A woman who lives with a man suffering from harmful addictions, even if he is coded, will always be as if on a volcano. This volcano could wake up at any moment.
The only situation where almost nothing can be done is if the spouse went on a spree with a young lady - it is almost impossible to compete with a young body. Here one can only sympathize with the woman, advise her to be patient and wait until the “demon in the rib” of her husband calms down. As men age, they value comfort very much; it is important to them by 70%, or even more. Representatives of the stronger sex quickly get used to a young body, but the young ladies cannot give them the comfort that their wife provided, so there is a constant “swing”. A man is torn between two women, constantly forced to choose between sex with a young mistress and an established life. Some representatives of the stronger sex, tired of this situation, still prefer to return to the family.
Helpful information
Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You”, family psychologist. Phone 8-920-909-62-35. Call on weekdays from 11:00 to 19:00.Aggression towards children and animals
“Animals, children and old people are sacred. And if a man behaves aggressively towards them, run away from him. Aggression is a diagnosis. You could become the next victim,” Kuznetsova warns. She advises not to hush up any situation that shocks you, but to talk to your partner, otherwise it will only get worse.
“I would compare the situation to a stocking unraveling. If one loop has come loose, you can pick it up unnoticed. Yes, there will be a trace, but a small one. But when the “arrow” has already started, you won’t be able to reassemble it, the seam will be too visible,” states the family psychologist.
If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .
Hello dear readers. Today I would like to talk about betrayal, why it happens, what to do after, how to prevent such a situation and much more. The main question that we will try to find an answer to today is whether a man will forgive betrayal. Maintaining a trusting relationship is not always easy. Sometimes one glance to the side is enough for mistrust and suspicion to arise between partners.
Reasons for cheating
I covered this topic in the article. There are millions of reasons why girls may look to the left. But all of them are essentially reinforced by the same thing - a lack of attention from their man. This is the biggest problem in relationships. The husband sits at work for a long time, often meets with his friends, never takes his wife to meetings, etc. It is in this situation that wives begin to look for attention elsewhere.
With mistresses things are a little different. There is no official confirmation of the relationship, no obligations. Therefore, she is free and believes that she can do everything. Mistresses do not have the status of wives. Therefore, it would be stupid to accuse them of treason.
A woman who does not feel loved, needed and important in a man’s life will easily succumb to the attention of another young man. And this is not particularly the woman’s fault. Her main mistake is that she did not talk directly and honestly with her beloved man. After all, any problem can be solved at the very beginning. You just have to think and make the right decision.
If you are thinking about cheating only hypothetically, then my advice to you is not to take the sin to heart. Try changing the situation in a different way. The relationship may deteriorate greatly and you will no longer be able to mend it. And a one-time trip to the left will not solve your internal problems.
Try to correct the situation BEFORE
When a woman realizes that a relationship with a man is not going the way she would like, that he does not pay her the attention she needs, and feels lonely and abandoned, then she begins to do stupid things.
Dear ladies, let's solve the problem, and not look for a replacement method. After all, external communication is nothing more than just a substitution of the desired solution. Yes, by getting some outside attention, you may be able to solve the problem for a while. But then she will return. And what? So are you going to run?
There is only one way to correct the situation. First, you need to understand what your desire to go left is. Lack of attention, rare sex with my husband, excessive love of flirting. Next, you go to your beloved and honestly, openly talk to him. Talk for as long as the situation requires. No need to say that you are thinking about cheating. Say that you lack attention, find a way out of this problem together.
Family relationships can be very fragile. Many couples cannot stand the test of betrayal and get divorced. And only in your hands is it possible to prevent such a sad outcome. Only you make your own decisions and choices.
Relationships after
Men are like little children. Not used to sharing their toys. They don't like it when someone else uses their things. They are wild and zealous owners. This is exactly what girls should remember when they decide to accept attention from another man. Will you like it when your lover makes eyes at the boss's sexy secretary? I think the answer is obvious.
After betrayal, the relationship can take on any character. I met a couple in which the wife made a mistake once. The husband forgave and decided to save the relationship. But then he began to treat his wife in such a way that it would be better to separate. The wife literally became a slave. Give it, bring it - this is the most petty thing. Every time he poked her into a mistake and forced her to do everything the way he wanted.
It also happens that a man approaches the situation very wisely. He is trying to understand why this happened, how he could help his beloved woman correct the situation. He goes out of his way to meet her and together they cope with the situation and move on.
View from the outside
One thing I can say for sure: there is never only one person to blame for treason. It doesn't matter who cheats on whom. Husband to wife or she to him. Both are always to blame. And you know this very well, but you don’t want to admit your own mistakes. It is incredibly difficult for a person to accept his own mistakes.
When you learn to work on your own shortcomings rather than deny them, then you are on the right path to happiness.
No one but you knows what can be forgiven and what cannot. Each person sets for himself the limits and limits of what is possible. This happens either from one’s own experience or on a whim. But this is exclusively yours and no one else's.
Therefore, to understand your partner better, talk. Share your thoughts and reflections on various topics. Including about betrayal.
Can you now say how your man feels about this issue? Not just “negative”, but in more detail? Does he assume that this could happen to him and he will be pulled to the left?
Such a conversation can take a negative direction. Be very careful in your statements, do not scold or yell at your partner. You're just communicating. Remember that this is not reality, but just your reasoning. Be loyal and listen to what they tell you.
I hope my article helped you and you found interesting and useful thoughts for yourself. In any case, remember that everything is in your hands. You control your life, not someone else.
I would be grateful if you share the link with your friends. Maybe we can help someone else with you.
Cheating on a loved one is always a terrible shock for his other half. Faced with such a situation, a person experiences a terrible shock, depressing feelings and unbearable pain from betrayal.
How to live now, is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one, how to accept the fact that he was close not only to you, but also to someone else. Is it even possible to forgive betrayal, and if so, how long will it take?
Let's try to figure out what betrayal is, what is its difference from betrayal, and how to get rid of the grievances caused by betrayal with minimal losses for yourself.
Treason is betrayal.
It doesn't matter whether you jump into bed or slowly crawl into bed.
Larisa Andreevna Guzeeva
Treason or betrayal - how to tell the difference?
In relationships between a man and a woman, many different conflict situations can occur.It also happens that they have only recently started dating, but an invisible connection has already been established between them, which determines the need not only for simple communication, but also for sexual contact.
This is felt especially strongly at the moment when young people in love begin life together (in a so-called civil marriage) and they have certain responsibilities towards each other.
Each of the established couples expects a certain development of the relationship. A woman expects that they will end in marriage, but representatives of the stronger sex do not always expect that their civil marriage with their beloved will end with official registration in the registry office. And if, in this case, betrayal suddenly occurs on the part of a man, then it can most likely be classified as betrayal.
I distinguish between betrayal and infidelity.
Cheating concerns the body, infidelity concerns the soul.
Christina Kofta
The fact is that by invading a girl’s life, a man in some way changes her usual way of life. For his sake, the lady adjusts the timing of her favorite activities on weekends and changes the schedule of her own free time.
A woman expects the same behavior from her lover, but it often happens that her expectations are simply not met. Men for the most part do not want to change their usual way of life for the sake of their beloved woman, and this is a very unfair quality for their beloved. Indeed, why should she sacrifice her life principles for the sake of love, and he will continue to live as before, without sacrificing anything?
But the whole point is that men are built a little differently. They are not used to limiting themselves in something and losing freedom. The appearance of a new girlfriend and sex with her in the presence of a regular woman is not taken by men as cheating. They reason like this: “What kind of betrayal is this, I’m not married?”
The woman interprets the whole situation with betrayal differently: “Yes, we have not formalized our relationship, but we are already close to each other spiritually!” And men have their own answer to this: “we cheat physically, but spiritually we still remain with our beloved.”
Experts in the field of building and maintaining family relationships advise couples to discuss such situations together in order to understand what awaits their relationship in the future. It is likely that the sex that happened on the man’s side was nothing more than a coincidence, and it left the stronger sex with only annoyance and disappointment.
Quite possibly something else. The young man does not see anything reprehensible in sex on the side, and does not rule out the repetition of such situations in the future. And in this case, the woman most likely should decide to end the relationship. Alas, this guy could not see in her the one and only beloved with whom he would be ready to go through life together. Only separation will help save the future peace of both representatives of the couple, and the self-respect of each of them.
Reasons for cheating on a loved one
Under no circumstances should one look for any justification for such masculine actions as deception, betrayal and treason. But from a psychological point of view, one can find some explanation for such actions.
There are several psychological reasons that push a man to cheat:
- The need for love, formed in childhood, is neurotic in nature. Some boys in childhood do not receive from their parents the love that they need.
Let's say that the mother simply did not have enough time to play with her little son, pay him more attention, and give him maternal affection. The child was in dire need of maternal love, but did not receive it at all, or received it, but not enough.
It is very difficult to solve the problem of parental attention deficit in childhood, so the boy, growing up, carries it into adulthood and tries to solve it there. It is through cheating that an adult man tries to get the love that he lacked as a child.
Initially, he receives it from one woman, whom he calls his one and only. But then this becomes not enough for him, and he finds himself another lady of his heart. As a result, the representative of the stronger sex receives twice as much tenderness and love, thereby making up for the deficiency of parental love.
- Loss of interest and attraction to your lover. Starting to live with one woman, a representative of the stronger sex initially receives both physical and moral satisfaction from this.
But over time, one gets used to the partner, and, as a result, the relationship cools down and loses interest in the beloved. The partner is no longer so attracted to the man, since he cannot surprise her with anything. And at this moment he begins to look for new experiences on the side, trying to plunge into a new wave of emotions and impressions with another woman.
It is extremely important for men to constantly be confident in their own strength, sexuality and irresistibility. And if he doesn’t feel this with his previous partner, then he can only get new emotions and impressions with a new sexual partner.
- Excessive parental love in childhood.
Raising boys in childhood is often done not only by mothers, but also by grandmothers. As a result, they receive female attention and love in great abundance, and they become addicted to them.In adult life, a man, on a subconscious level, tries to simulate the same situation that he had in childhood. For such an individual, the attention and love of his wife must necessarily intersect with the attention of his mistress.
In modern psychology there are many techniques that can solve such problems that arise in family life. But before you decide to forgive your lover for cheating, you should visit a psychologist to find out about the real reasons for your loved one’s betrayal.
Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of a loved one?
Before deciding whether to forgive betrayal or not, you should hide your own emotions deeply. It will be very difficult to do this, because after such a betrayal everything will seethe and bubble inside you. After betrayal, you will be overwhelmed by a hurricane of feelings, when resentment is overwhelmed by anger, despair is replaced by an aggressive state, and the desire to break off all relations with the traitor is replaced by fear of loneliness.In this case, you should be more collected than ever, showing all your composure and fortitude. It is not the best option to succumb to the influence of negative emotions. You should sit down, calm down and sensibly assess the current situation, and then make the only right decision as to whether you can forgive your lover for betrayal or not.
To do this, you should ask yourself a few questions:
- What will happen to you if the cheater suddenly disappears from your life? How serious will the separation be for you personally, for you and your child (if you have one).
- What happens if the traitor still remains a part of your life. Will you be able to maintain your relationship with your cheater at the same level, will you be able to forgive the betrayal and even improve your relationship with your lover? Do you gain anything by forgiving your cheating spouse?
Try to answer all these questions for yourself, even if you don’t want to touch on painful topics. It is advisable to make a list of the pros and cons of forgiving infidelity. This will contribute to making the right decision, based not on emotions, but on logical reasoning. And after compiling this list, it is worth making a decision about forgiving or not forgiving the betrayal.
Decide for yourself whether you can live with a person next to you, knowing that he can betray you.
Treason is a whip that hits you only once - at the moment when you find out about everything.
All subsequent time you will cut yourself with it.
Evgeniy Panteleev
You should also pay attention to the behavior of the man who cheated on you. What feelings does he experience, does he repent, or is he trying to shield himself? By observing the person you have allowed into your heart, you can understand a lot about his personality. But do not forget that truly noble, brave and strong people have the ability to forgive.
Even if a person, in your opinion, is very bad, he still has the right to a second chance. It's not as scary as it really seems. Paradoxically, it often happens that it is betrayal that further strengthens family ties, making a man and a woman happy and their relationship harmonious.
According to statistics, 3 out of 4 men cheat on their wives. Every fourth woman on this list can consider herself happy and lucky. But what should the other three deceived spouses do? In fact, each situation is individual, but there are things that should never be done, and there are also points that cannot be ignored. What to do if cheating on the part of your husband does occur?First stage: Control of emotions
When a woman’s betrayal of her beloved man becomes obvious, she is overcome by many feelings, all of them negative: pain, resentment, fear. In the first days, a woman is driven by precisely these emotions, which are multiplied by the desire for revenge. This is where it is very important to keep your feelings under control. You need to accept the fact that betrayal has already happened. This event cannot be changed. Under no circumstances should you “go all out”: go on sprees, drink until you pass out and sleep with any man who wants it. Yes, this can help for a very short time, or to be more precise, until the morning, but time will pass, emotions will subside, and shame for one’s behavior can poison life for a long time.
You need to distance yourself from the problem, but in such a way as to preserve your dignity. The best way is to go somewhere to relax. If you can’t leave because of work, children, financial reasons and other difficulties, then you should start visiting theaters, cinema, and exhibitions. Art, oddly enough, can make a person forget about pain for a while and turn his thoughts in a different direction. It will also help to meet people who are easy to communicate with and who are also capable, if necessary, of playing the role of a “diaper-type vest,” and if not necessary, just not prying into your soul again.
During this period, you should not get hung up on the fact of betrayal, engage in soul-searching and curse your husband to the seventh generation. This will not change the situation, there will be no relief, it will only worsen the pain and resentment. If it’s unbearable, it’s better to cry, roar from the heart, driving out all the negativity from yourself and making room for positivity and a new life.
Next stage: Transformation
Even if a woman always takes care of herself, additional investment in her image is simply necessary! After all, after her husband’s betrayal, a woman is subconsciously tormented by the same questions: “Am I really worse than her? Am I really that unattractive and uninteresting?” In this case, nothing increases a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence more than the compliments of other men. You can change your hairstyle, clothing style, update your wardrobe. The main thing is not to resort to such drastic changes that do not correspond to the woman’s character.
A multi-colored mohawk on the head and a miniskirt will require changes in both character and behavior, and this will require additional vitality, which is already lacking in this situation. Therefore, it will be quite simple to improve your image by adding a few bright and eye-catching accents.
Final stage: Life is the same, but the values are different
When the emotions subside and the pain dulls, you need to analyze the situation: what caused the betrayal? If the problem is that the man he loves is simply promiscuous, and endless affairs on the side are the essence of his nature, then the woman needs to draw the appropriate conclusions for herself and avoid relationships with this type of man in the future.
If the reason for the betrayal was the woman’s behavior, her lifestyle, then you need to decide for yourself: either change something in yourself so that the situation does not repeat itself, or understand that nothing needs to be changed, and the beloved man was not the one for whom he is worth it. sacrifice oneself. It is also necessary to understand that every woman, first of all, must love herself. You need to learn to be selfish from time to time, of course, not to the detriment of the family, children, but so that for some time the whole world lies at the feet of a woman, and she feels like a queen: a little capricious, a little arrogant, but desired and loved.
Revenge for my husband's betrayal
Having discovered the fact of her husband’s betrayal, the woman, under the influence of emotions, decides to take revenge on him. With revenge, she tries to prove to her lover that she is also free to do as she pleases, and in this case we are talking about sexual contact with another man. This idea is very bad, because it will bring nothing but an even greater feeling of guilt and devastation from within. Having entered into sexual contact with another man, the lady will then only be tormented by the thoughts “why am I better than my beloved, the same traitor.” Such self-deprecation often deals an irreparable blow to a woman’s pride and self-esteem.
Despite the fact that revenge has taken place, the cheating offender seems to have been punished, and you have proven to everyone that you still retain your attractiveness and sexuality in the eyes of the opposite sex, from now on you will have to live with a feeling of guilt towards your loved one, constantly looking away when talking to him.
In general, the situation with betrayal will repeat itself, but now in a mirror image, and now you will have to beg your lover’s forgiveness for the betrayal. Think about whether you need such a state of affairs when inside, in your soul, the fire of resentment for the betrayal of your beloved guy has not yet died out? It is likely that you do not need a second betrayal.
Is there life after a loved one's betrayal?
Suppose that after the betrayal of your beloved man, you managed to overcome grievances and forgive him for such an offense. Mutual understanding has been restored to the family, and the betrayal itself is forgotten. Very often, betrayal only benefits family relationships.
Couples in love become even closer and dearer to each other. Overcoming adversities and troubles together brings a man and a woman closer, making their marriage only stronger. Marriage statistics show that if spouses in a family have experienced infidelity and overcome the adversity associated with it, then their union can well be called strong and reliable.
This may seem incomprehensible, but after experiencing betrayal, spouses begin to trust each other much more, and the fairer sex suddenly begins to feel more confident. One can, of course, say that the past ordeal changed both spouses. And, of course, the betrayal was only confirmation that the love between these two is truly real.
The situation is completely different if your lover, after cheating, begins to irritate you incredibly, and your soul is constantly tormented by doubts as to whether you will be able to live and communicate in the future with this person.
In this state of affairs, the best way out would be separation, since only with its help can you try to maintain calm and self-control towards each other.
For such people, close, family and, especially, family relationships become impossible, but you can maintain friendship and continue to communicate with each other (for example, for the sake of a child). Moreover, it will be much easier to do this without preserving family relationships, but by parting like civilized and adult people.
Undoubtedly, after all these squabbles are over, a woman will have to draw certain conclusions for herself, and pay attention to the following data:
- What kind of underwear does she wear at home, what does she wear when relaxing?
Every self-respecting lady should know that it is lingerie that makes a woman sexy and attractive in the eyes of a man.
Most women know about this, but over time, a certain relaxation occurs and self-care fades into the background. And completely in vain!
- You should look at yourself carefully in the mirror, assessing it with an outside glance.
How do you look in front of your loved one when there is no need to do makeup and hair when going out, so to speak, in public?
- How regularly do you maintain your physical fitness? Do you go to a swimming pool or gym?
If you don’t have such activities in your life yet, be sure to start doing them. You can even enlist the support of a friend (or friends). This will allow you to combine sports activities that are beneficial for your figure with friendly communication.
- If there are children in your family, then they should be protected from discussing the unpleasant relationships of adults.
On the contrary, you should constantly emphasize that you love each other, and, of course, dote on your children.
What does it mean to survive betrayal?
Many psychologists use the concept of experiencing betrayal. Ordinary people who find themselves in such a difficult situation do not understand what it means to survive betrayal, what should be done for this?
There are several important rules here:
Is it possible to avoid cheating in the future?
Cheating cannot be considered the reason for the breakdown of your relationship with your other half. This is rather a consequence.
It wouldn’t even occur to either spouse to cheat just like that. First, there is some discord in the relationship, and only then against this background does betrayal occur.
Even if it seems to you that the betrayal occurred for no apparent reason, then you are deeply mistaken. Perhaps you simply missed the moment when family relationships took a negative turn.
Unfortunately, until now experts have not been able to find a universal recipe that would help many couples avoid infidelity. For each individual case it is worth looking for your own solution to the problem. But how can you recognize the alarm bell that signals that love has begun to crumble?
Despite all the nuances, there are several important levers that will help spouses avoid cheating. True, you should learn to use them correctly.
1. In family relationships, you should never tolerate disrespect towards your partner.
Many married couples make a huge mistake, sorting things out with each other in a raised voice, uttering offensive and not entirely flattering words towards each other. Knowing about their weak points, they “hit” each other where it hurts the most. It seems to many that after reconciliation, all these offensive phrases spoken in the heat of emotion are forgotten. But no, the words, unfortunately, do not return back to their authors, but remain in the souls of those to whom they were addressed.
Alas, respect in this scenario completely disappears, and, as you know, without respect one cannot talk about the harmonious development of relations between lovers. We can say that betrayal becomes the logical conclusion of outdated love.
2. You need to constantly monitor your appearance
No matter how much family partners love each other, they should not forget about their own appearance. No matter how strange it may sound, it is appearance that plays one of the main roles in the relationship between a man and a woman.When a representative of the fairer sex stops caring for herself, her man, on a subconscious level, begins to look for a more attractive object for courtship on the side. No, love for your wife, of course, does not go away, but men, as you know, love with their eyes and want to see an attractive woman next to them.
3. Don’t allow indifference in relationships
Partners in family relationships often forget to show due attention to their loved ones and do not look at the happy and unsuccessful moments in the life of their other half.The spouses seem to be confident that they have love, but at the same time they experience a certain indifference. What kind of love can we talk about in this case in a family where everyone is for himself? And in relationships where there is no love, betrayal often becomes a natural occurrence.
4. Constantly fight for your own love
The nature of betrayal can be completely different. Sometimes they can only be provocations of ill-wishers, and sometimes even ordinary inventions of their own.
If you really have feelings for your partner, fight for your own love. Even if it is too painful and unclear how you can continue to live with a person who could betray you, do not forget that in our life all situations can be interpreted in two ways.
Try to look at the situation from a different angle. It is likely that the current crisis will become a new stage in family relationships, which will only strengthen them. If you find the strength to forgive your lover and return your old feelings, then, without a doubt, you will be able to find your family again.
The entire life of the stronger sex is associated with continuous competition. They should be protectors, providers and those who are respected by others. The list of qualities that are valued in a real man has never included the ability to forgive. Although this quality is no less important than responsibility and the ability to empathize. Because there are no perfect people, and any person is capable of making mistakes and causing pain to another. That’s why it’s so important that not only women, but also men can forgive. But whether they can do this is a very interesting question.
Can a man forgive
Forgiveness is one of the most important and beautiful actions a person can do. It heals and gives hope, makes you believe in yourself and helps you overcome the most difficult obstacles in life. His power is immeasurable. But at the same time, only a small number of people are able to sincerely forgive others. It is impossible to explain to a person that this will bring him relief and allow him to at least slightly reduce the pain when very difficult events have occurred in his life due to the fault of another.
At such moments, most people allow grief, resentment, anger and rage to take over in order to survive the peak of suffering. Only after some time, many continue to experience the same feelings, not wanting to realize that this path leads to nowhere. After all, forgiveness is needed not by the one who offended or hurt another, but by the one who suffered from it. In order not to aggravate the pain, but to find the strength to survive what happened. The great power of forgiveness lies precisely in ridding a person of the emotions that destroy him and showing that he always has a choice: to continue to inflict wounds on himself, constantly thinking about the offender, or to forgive and leave this sin to the one who committed it , because this is his cross and he has to live with it.
It is especially difficult to achieve forgiveness from representatives of the stronger sex. Because of their lifestyle and the demands placed on them by society, their ego is too vulnerable and instantly reacts to what, in their opinion, is wrong. They are not ready to forgive some things even to their loved ones. They believe that a loved one does not have the right to commit them.
It is impossible to convince them otherwise, since they are, and often absolutely rightly, convinced that in certain situations it is not only possible, but necessary to control themselves. They admit that the fair sex is not always able to show courage and steely will, but it is impossible to justify treason or betrayal by this. Therefore, often, after some time, they can leave without saying a word.
The feeling of a rear behind their back, which only true friends and their beloved can create, is too important for them. If he is in love, his feeling becomes stronger not thanks to external beauty and figure, he has already appreciated them, but thanks to care, attention and self-confidence, which is now fueled not only by himself, but also by the one who won his heart. If a man does not feel this, any strongest passion will disappear, leaving no memories behind, and there can be no talk of love in such a relationship.
Home is his fortress, where he should feel safe, have the opportunity to speak out, regain strength and feel that here he, no matter what happens, has always been, is and will be the best. If he doesn't get it, he won't forgive it. After all, why does he need a woman who does not want to give him what he needs, like air.
Photo: can a man forgive
Of course, this applies exclusively to adequate representatives of the stronger sex, whom women usually call real men who have grown up and become adults. And not for those who, having remained in adolescence with a vulnerable psyche, need not a woman, but a mother. They get offended with or without reason, and it is not difficult for them to place all the responsibility for their own mistakes on their beloved. Without unnecessary remorse, they will not forget to pour out all the bitterness and criticize in order to feel better, let alone tyrants in whom everyone around is to blame for his insults, especially those who are weaker. Such people not only do not know how to forgive, they are not even going to do it, it is much easier for them to manipulate those who depend on them, whether they are guilty or not.
A real man knows his own worth, so he will not take out his complexes, resentments and bitterness on his beloved, but will solve them on his own. He will not refuse moral support and advice, but only in very difficult situations that affect not only him, but also his loved ones.
He is used to protecting those who are dear to him from all adversities as long as he has the strength. It is difficult for him to forgive, because he can only be offended by serious offenses that cause severe pain and inflict unhealed wounds. In addition to love, he needs support, respect and care from his chosen one.
He will not understand if, under any pretext, she begins to refer to a constant headache or fatigue, work and a meeting with her parents, from which she may return in a bad mood. He will never forgive a neglectful attitude towards himself, no matter how it is justified. There are moments that cannot be explained by anything, and this must be remembered if a man is loved and needed. It’s easier not to make mistakes than to ask for forgiveness later. Moreover, if you do this constantly, apologies will be perceived as ridicule.
What a man will never forgive
- Most of them will not forgive betrayal. Whether he is guilty or not. His feelings are hurt, especially his vulnerable pride. After all, they know very well that women are not as greedy for the opposite sex as they are. Therefore, their interest in another is not just physical attraction, but a signal that she is missing something in the relationship. It is in their blood to be winners, and whoever tries to challenge this turns into the main irritant. When looking at his beloved, who preferred someone else, he will constantly remember that he is not so good. Because of this, it is much easier for him to leave than to stay and work on himself.
Photo: can a man forgive
- They will not tolerate the slightest comparison with former gentlemen. Even if he does not show dissatisfaction too strongly, such information will remain with him like a thorn in his memory. And such resentment is unlikely to contribute to the establishment of strong and happy relationships. Since you are with him, he believes that he must be the best for you. But such memories or reproaches indicate that he was mistaken. And this is so difficult for men to come to terms with.
- Discussion of his financial situation in a negative way, reproaches, tears, hysterics and complaints that he is a poor loser from the rank of his beloved instantly transfers the woman to the camp of his male rivals. He does not allow the thought that his chosen one has the right to humiliate him so cruelly and use prohibited methods. Having succumbed to persuasion to buy a fur coat, if he has such an opportunity, very soon he will erase the lady from his life, no matter who she is to him: his beloved wife or passionate mistress. The most beautiful feelings can be easily destroyed if you openly use another. The stronger sex really doesn’t like it when women take them for idiots and try to suppress them with tears, threats or screams.
- He will also stand up for his family. He himself knows very well what his mother is like at times. But this is his mother, and no one, not even his beloved, is allowed to discuss her, much less blame him for not meeting someone’s expectations. Because in most families, mothers are the ones who will not turn away and betray. She is the dearest and closest person, and when trying to demonstrate that this is not so, a real man will show displeasure and remember this at the first opportunity. There are no people who do everything right.
- Criticism, constant reproaches that he is doing everything wrong, ridicule of his plans, attempts to always be better than him, a dissatisfied face - all this is difficult for them to forgive and accept; it is easier to find someone else.
For a relationship to be strong and bring joy, not only the woman must try to do the right thing, but the man must also be not just real, but also softer. This does not mean that he should demonstrate only the traits inherent in the fair sex, then he will not be able to be called a man, it means that, as a person, he must be able to be lenient and forgive if his beloved realizes a mistake and asks for forgiveness. But it is impossible to force another person to do as someone wants without violence against him. Therefore, the best option would be to understand that you must, to the best of your ability, try not to offend your loved one if he does not deserve it, so that you do not have to suffer later because of his intransigence.
