A relationship with a married man is like a swing.
Unbridled happiness gives way disappointment and hopelessness, laughter is interrupted by tears.
Disdainful attitude and public censure force mistresses to carefully hide their status.
However, many women with enviable regularity choose partners who already have a family. A psychologist's advice will help a woman who has decided to have a relationship with her not to make irreparable mistakes.
Psychology, causes and possible outcome of the situation
Meetings with a married man are completely devoid of stability, mysterious and unpredictable.
An appointed date can be disrupted at any moment due to his family circumstances, and going out in public can end in an escape from acquaintances he meets by chance.
You never know what tomorrow holds, and whether there will be a continuation of these strange relationships.
She's single, he has a family
If we do not take into account men with low moral values, popularly called “womanizers,” they are rarely groundless.
A happily married man is unlikely to have an affair on the side.
But when problems arise in the family, men tend to run away from solving them and find an outlet in the person of their mistress.
- Desire for new sensations, lack of emotions. Family life often kills feelings. and misunderstandings make the situation worse.
- Sexual dissatisfaction- a purely physiological reason why a man is looking for a relationship on the side.
- The desire to assert oneself. With age, men awaken to a thirst for adventure, a desire to prove that they are still worth something. Since his wife has long looked at him without admiration, the man begins to look elsewhere for a source of inspiration.
Women fall into the web of married men due to their views on life or by coincidence.
Love relationships of a free woman with a married man in most cases follow the same scenario.
At the beginning of a relationship, a woman harbors rosy illusions and does not pay attention to the status of her chosen one. She feels light, sees increased attention on his part, and enjoys surprises. She is excited by a feeling of superiority over her gentleman's wife.
Over time, the euphoria fades away, love develops into psychological dependence. A man is in no hurry to make his choice in her favor, this angers and upsets the woman. Consumed by jealousy, she experiences a whole storm of feelings.
In most cases, relationships with a married man are doomed. Husbands rarely leave the family.
Decide to have a relationship with a married man - accept your minor role in his life. The mistress always has to be in the shadows.
She cannot appear with her chosen one at events, is forced to remain alone on holidays and at night, and is doomed to hide the very fact of having a relationship. Most often it all ends and regrets about wasted time.
He's married, she's married
In the case when both lovers are connected by official marriage, their relationship differs in certain nuances.
Married lovers' connection- a way to escape from everyday disagreements and shake out the routine of family life.
Married women do not have affairs on the side so often. Usually they are pushed to do this for good reasons.
- Dissatisfaction with family life. A woman subconsciously looks for a man with whom she will be psychologically comfortable. Tension in relations with her husband, rudeness, lack of attention, lack of mutual understanding push a woman to search for a gentle, affectionate and understanding lover.
- Revenge for betrayal. Having learned about their husband's adventures, some women strive. As a rule, this idea does not lead to anything good.
- Thrill seeking, marriage resuscitation. For some women, an affair on the side is a way to overcome problems, avoid divorce, and dilute a boring family life.
The romance of married lovers rarely develops into something more. According to statistical studies, only 1% of couples are ready to divorce and start over with a new partner.
In most cases, these relationships last as long as as long as they are comfortable for both, and then gradually fade away.
Relationships with married men deprived of joy.
A mistress seeking to take her husband away from the family should ask herself the question of whether she can unconditionally trust her chosen one, taking the place of his wife.
It is difficult to trust a person who has already deceived at least one woman. Even more difficult live your whole life in jealousy and doubt.
It is better to immediately think about where everything can lead and, if the expected burden is beyond your strength, abandon it before it is too late.
How to build a relationship with a married man correctly?
First of all You can’t be completely obsessed with relationships. In a woman's life there must be things that are not related to a man. You can't stop self-development.
Plunging headlong into dependence on relationships, looking for meetings at any cost, a woman completely loses self-respect, she loses interest in work and meeting with friends. The internal destruction of the personality begins.
You cannot allow complete financial dependence on a man, even if he acts as a sponsor in the relationship.
You don't need to believe your partner's empty promises. His actions will speak for him. It happens that love connects two people when one of them is already in a relationship.
In such a situation, a man who is truly in love is ready to start a new life with his chosen one.
He will find words to explain everything to his wife and will not delay resolving such a serious issue.
If a man promises to leave his wife “someday later,” it’s worth thinking about why his words differ from his deeds.
The main advice to every woman: you need to love and respect yourself, live your full life, and not become an attachment to a man, dissolving in him. Healthy selfishness is the key to a happy relationship.
How to save them?
For a woman who wants to maintain a relationship with a married man, should behave carefully. Any pressure will have the opposite effect. A man comes to his mistress to take a break from problems, to relax, he is looking for new emotions and lightness.
If the woman in turn adds new difficulties to him, the value of the relationship is lost. It’s easier to part with such a lover.
That's why it's a very bad idea to want push a man to leave the family, calling his wife, sending SMS at night, deliberately leaving traces of his presence in his life.
Quarrels, scandals and ultimatums will not lead a man to divorce, but they will give him the idea that life with his mistress is not easy. And criticism of his wife and children can completely alienate a lover.
The worst way force a man to leave the family - “accidentally” become pregnant from him, in the hope of tying him to a child.
Such a rash step can lead to the opposite - a sharp break in relations on a male initiative.
And all responsibility will remain with the woman.
To a woman you should respect your partner's opinion, do not put pressure on him or try to manipulate him. All this is useless and will only cause a reaction of rejection.
You need to not impose yourself, but create conditions so that the man himself decides to stay.
How to talk about a breakup?
If a woman has realized that the format of a relationship with a married man is not suitable for her, she should initiate a serious conversation.
You need to indicate your position and report the breakup calmly, without reproaches or hysterics. There is no need to try to prick your partner, hurt him or prove something.
Should clearly define deadlines and possible specific actions partner. If no decisive steps are taken on his part, persuasion and promises begin, then the decision to break up is the only right one and you should not regret it.
How to end a long relationship?
To get out of the current love triangle you need to have determination and fortitude.
Only by understanding the value of your own happiness will you succeed break psychological dependence from hopeless relationships.
When breaking up, you don’t need to scroll through all the happy moments in your memory.
If a woman remembers the feelings and emotions she experienced when a man returned to the family and she was left alone, there is a high chance that the regrets will go away.
- Having decided to leave, you need to nullify all communication: meetings, phone calls, conversations on social networks.
- To restore emotional calm, you should get rid of everything that reminds you about unsuccessful relationships: from gifts from a lover, photos together.
You should not return things in person, this will provoke new emotions. It’s better to gather your strength and throw everything away.
- The most effective cure for suffering is employment. You can immerse yourself in work, go on a trip, meet loved ones more often, and find your favorite hobby. Anything that will help occupy your thoughts and not be left alone on long, dreary evenings will do.
- Don't give up on making new acquaintances. After all, having decided to break off an empty relationship, the woman took the first step towards a happy family and mutual feelings. Perhaps a happy meeting will not take long to arrive.
Harmonious relationships cannot be built on deception. A man in the status of a lover owes nothing to a woman.
He can end the relationship overnight, go to a new mistress, or return to his family.
Instead of chasing someone else's happiness, it is better to take a good look around, see free men, aimed at serious long-term relationships and creating a family, where the woman will be in the leading role and can be proud of her chosen one.
Psychology of relationships between a married man and a woman:
If it used to be considered a shameful vice for a woman to date a “married man,” now it is somewhat depressingly ubiquitous. The psychology of relationships with a married man is no longer surprising to anyone. Although it would seem natural that this is wrong and bad. What to do and how to act in a situation where, as in the song “I love a married man”?
Psychology – the “Why” aspect
So why are women constantly drawn to the seemingly forbidden? They are not blind, not stupid, and are often fully aware of what they are doing. As well as the consequences. But all the same, as if into a pool, they rush headlong into dangerous, dubious relationships.
We can start with the fact that, of course, how many people there are, so many different opinions. Each woman had her own reason for starting such a relationship and each of them answered the question - Is it worth it? - differently. And, nevertheless, there is a specific number of reasons:
- Everything is ready. A married man is, as a rule, already an accomplished person. Both in the family, in society and in career.
- Freedom. You don’t need to wait for him to come home in the evening, prepare food for him, wash his clothes, or somehow keep track of your actions. Another woman is already doing all this. The mistress has much more free time, which she can spend on herself.
- Celebration atmosphere. If the wife sees a man in all his remarkable and not very beautiful, then the woman on the side is familiar only with his positive qualities.
- Money. Comments here will be unnecessary.
- Reluctance to get married. Sometimes a situation happens when you want love, but getting married is quite the opposite. Then the point about freedom and easy relationships results in this one. A married man will not demand any special obligations from his mistress.
- Low self-esteem. The thought that there are catastrophically few good men around and the fear of loneliness sometimes push women to do something else. Therefore, they are content with “what is”.
- Hopes. Love is evil... or, to use the proverb: without fish, there’s cancer – fish. Especially if this “cancer” every now and then promises to leave his family for her, beloved and unique. And the woman believes these words. And this belief in her exclusivity, that everything will be different for her than everyone else, forces her to remain in such relationships. But life is not a film with a lyrical ending or a love book. In reality, such promises often remain empty promises.
Relationship with a married man
What to do if a woman nevertheless decides to start a relationship with a “married man”? The psychologist’s advice on this matter is based on the basic principle: you need to be realistic. That is, ready for the fact that such love can suddenly end at any moment. And you certainly can’t gossip about such a relationship with your friend.
The main plus and at the same time minus is that no one owes anything to each other. It is not difficult to sleep with a married man whom you love, but it will not be easy for a woman to start dating him and, moreover, to keep him close to her and make some plans. Under no circumstances should meetings be advertised, otherwise this will immediately undermine trust. You shouldn’t put pressure on a man with your connection either - he understands perfectly well that he has no obligations to you. He already has a family with a wife and children. If he needs a relationship on the side, he can always find himself another, less demanding passion. Therefore, if the goal is to win the heart of this particular man, you will have to work hard, measuredly and carefully, making him fall in love with you and everything that will be associated with her.
But it’s still far from a fact that a man will leave his family for his mistress. The fact is that a man cannot just pick up and go to where he will be better off. Most likely, if the marriage breaks up, it will not be because of the beloved lady on the side, but because of the great discord in one’s own family. Only if the legitimate relationship did not show itself well or burned out, turning out to be a mistake, then the man will divorce and go to his passionately awaiting mistress. Otherwise, no forces of great love will force him to leave his native nest called “family.”
Exit from the cage
Sooner or later, the realization comes that the man is still not going to leave the house with children and a married woman, but he no longer wants to put up with this. How to end such a relationship?
The advice of psychologists is quite simple: you need to mentally prepare yourself before breaking off a relationship with a married man. Write down all his shortcomings on paper and look at this piece of paper more often. Think about the question: is it really necessary? Most likely, the mistress of a married man has no prospects in terms of her own family well-being. And sooner or later, every woman will want to have her own children and a normal family. Then karma will definitely not be on this woman’s side...
How to end a relationship?
Secret meetings and constant secrecy can also adversely affect the general background of life. Especially with a man who is younger than his second chosen one. You need to decisively declare this intention to your married partner, calmly and rationally convey your point of view to him. This relationship does not have the future that you want. You will have to come to terms with the separation and be sure to ask them never to bother you again. This is difficult, but otherwise, instead of a period, a blurry comma will appear in the relationship. Especially if a man tries to dissuade his mistress from such a “hasty decision.” It could be a parting gift in the form of a last date or something similar. But in reality, this is just a trick to avoid ending the relationship.
Interesting videos
The relationship between a free woman and a married man is a rather complex topic in psychology. Psychology does not consider an alliance that includes a married man and a free woman as a connection between two free, self-sufficient people. In such relationships, third parties are necessarily invisibly present: children, relatives, friends. One of the participants in such an alliance, in this case a woman, plays the role of second fiddle. Knowing and understanding this is very difficult to accept psychologically, especially considering individual character traits. There can be no talk of partnerships in which equality is the basis. A woman always sacrifices herself, her interests, time and personal ambitions.
The psychology of a married man explains that he has a relationship with a free woman by the fact that he is missing something in his marriage. It could be sex, tenderness, or just friendly, warm communication, which you no longer get with your wife. This happens in most cases after many years of living together, passions no longer boil, life has settled down and the man wants new experiences. He lacks affection and warm words; his wife has stopped admiring and praising him, although she previously did this regularly.
In modern families, especially those created under the yoke of obligations (for example, the birth of a child), an agreement is often concluded on the non-interference of spouses in everyone’s personal life. In this case, the spouse’s intrigues are not perceived by the wife as betrayal, and the man does not feel guilty. It will be easier for a woman to date such a person.
However, in traditional families, the spouse will not simply give up her husband. And a man will not destroy his family for the sake of his mistress and to whom he has certain obligations. It is worth understanding that such relationships extremely rarely end in divorce and new marriage. For the stronger sex, this is just an affair that provides an outlet and an emotional shake-up. In fact, most people prefer stability, home comfort and warmth.
How does psychology explain the union of a free woman with a married man?
On the part of a woman, the psychology of relationships with a married man considers such a union from two points of view:
- practical union. A man is considered by a woman as a source of cash injections and she is quite satisfied with an open relationship and meetings from time to time. He is successful, well-groomed, he is only interested in the sexual side of relationships, and he does not ask for anything in return. Self-confident women who do not strive for marriage are usually completely satisfied with this state of affairs. In addition, such an alliance allows you to improve your shaky financial situation;
- romantic union. This type of relationship is built on misconceptions. The woman is confident in her exclusivity and firmly believes that the man will leave his wife in the near future. She sincerely believes that with her this man will finally find what he lacks in marriage, that she will be the best wife and is ready to wait for her beloved indefinitely. Usually, insecure women find themselves in this position, believing that there are not enough good men for everyone, and they are ready to endlessly be in the background just to stay with their loved ones.
In any case, a woman understands that she is not the main thing in a man’s life, it’s just that in the first case she doesn’t need it.
Psychologists warn that such relationships cannot be strong. A married man can break off the relationship at any time without any explanation and return to his wife. After all, in an alliance with a free woman, a married man cannot have any obligations to her. However, it happens that a man is truly unhappy in his marriage and divorce is the best way out of the situation for him. If he is in no hurry to make a final decision, you should not rush him into it. Relationships with a married man - for a free girl:
- you need to try to get closer to your loved one as closely as possible. Men are reluctant to share their secrets with their mistress, but if you force him to trust and open up, success is almost completely guaranteed;
- Do not put pressure on him under any circumstances. A man usually looks for an outlet on the side precisely because his wife puts pressure on him. You must be able to listen to your loved one, provide support, and become more than just a lover for him. But also a friend;
- do not pull the blanket on yourself; the final solution to various issues should be left to him. This will give a feeling of ease in such a union, and this is exactly what a man needs;
- Don’t ring the bell at every corner about the affair that happened. A man must decide to make the relationship public; in this case, he should come out of the shadows and be able to stand up for himself.
By planning meetings with a married man on the advice of a psychologist, a calculating woman has a good chance of winning him back from his wife.
Psychology of correct behavior of a free woman with a married man
Even if the chances of taking a man away from the family are small, if the woman behaves correctly, they increase many times over. She must understand that communication with her is not a desire to radically change something in life, but simply a way to relax, unwind and give vent to emotions. Therefore, a man’s decision to leave his wife must be pushed very carefully, so as not to frighten him if he suddenly decides that he is being pressured.
- If a man himself did not leave the family, it means that he does not intend to destroy the marriage. You need to find the strength to break off such relationships, since they will inevitably reach a dead end.
- Falling in love is often mistaken for love. Things won't look any better for a while, so that you have the opportunity to cool down a little and sort out your feelings.
- You need to understand that by taking a loved one away from his wife, the family is destroyed and children suffer. Most representatives of the stronger sex take this hard, the consciousness of their guilt weighs heavily. And a dull irritation, and even hatred, begins to awaken towards the new wife. You need to be prepared for such a development of events.
Having looked at the situation in this way, many find the strength to leave their husband to their wife and not destroy their marriage.
no comments
Popular wisdom says: don’t swear off money or prison. But it’s not just these unpleasant things that a person is not immune to. You can never be sure that one fine day you won’t suddenly be overwhelmed with new exciting feelings for a person of the opposite sex. And it doesn’t matter who is in what relationship today.
Feelings can flare up sharply, the flame will burn for a long time and burn with its tongues, but sooner or later any passion subsides. And if this is also a relationship with a married man, then, as they say, God himself ordered to come to your senses and think about your future. After all, as we said in the last article (), this kind of relationship will squeeze all the juice out of you, but will not bring the desired result, because leaving for a mistress is a rare occurrence.
In this article, we will try to figure out when it’s time to end such a relationship, how to properly break up with a married man, and how to cope with mental pain after a breakup.
If you fall in love with a married man: when is it time to think about breaking up?
In fact, you should think about this scenario as soon as a man enters your home. Because no one gives any guarantees. But, as practice shows, passions rage, a pink veil before the eyes prevents a sober assessment of the situation, and as a result, such thoughts begin to appear quite late. When it comes, when years pass and nothing happens, when you already want confidence in the future, but tomorrow continues to remain cloudy and foggy.
You need to give yourself time to think and make the right decision. What does this relationship bring to you: more happiness or sadness? What will be tomorrow? How many more years are you ready to endure holidays alone and are you ready to endure them at all?
Surely, more than once the thought has come to mind that a man is unlikely to leave his wife and there are many factors for this:
- long years of marriage with his wife, an established life, common property and children;
- the grinding process has long been completed, both spouses are already accustomed to accepting each other with all the pros and cons, they know a lot about each other (even chronic diseases and the necessary monthly treatment);
- male polygamy and ego: most likely, for a man you were just a successful sexual adventure, the man proved to himself that he is capable of conquering peaks (and you allowed him to conquer all peaks);
- reluctance to support several families at once - no man wants additional problems, especially at the age of a respected man, when a sofa and TV are sometimes needed more than lace underwear on a beautiful lady;
- reputation and condemnation of relatives: no one needs constant scandals and “serious conversations” with mom/dad/brother about the importance of a created family and the degree of responsibility;
- in the end (let a man run to you at breakneck speed to watch a movie together, lying on silk sheets, but he can really love his wife very much, respect her and not want to be left without her).
How to end a relationship with a married man?
The most important thing is to make a point. For myself. It will be very difficult to decide, it will take time. But if a relationship does not bring happiness, lightness and the right emotions, it is worth ending it. Weigh all the pros and cons, write down all the pros and cons on paper. Still, a visual presentation is always better perceived than trying to organize everything in your head, where thoughts are constantly swarming.
If you decide, then farewell should be radical. No escape routes: break up without the possibility of getting back together. Find the strength to start a conversation with a man on this topic. Explain that this can no longer continue, there is no point in deceiving your spouse, you want to live and not share your loved one with everyone who loves him no less than you. If a man is not stupid or selfish, he will let you go.
If a man persistently offers to continue the relationship, move on to more effective methods.
A woman who looks like a million is always ready to listen and support, won’t say too much, and so on. Become the complete opposite of yourself. Allow comfortable clothes, take off your heels, comb your hair into a simple ponytail, and wash off your makeup. This is the first moment that can really push a man away, because he is used to seeing you differently. Start making scandals, be jealous, demand, be rude, ignore men’s whims, in general, stop pampering a man who will not be yours anyway.
The most important thing in extreme measures is not to overplay. Don't give yourself away to your spouse. Be that as it may, you will remain extreme. A man, as a rule, ceases to be a hero and a knight with his first item flying into his suitcase.
Once the point is made, it is important to go and change the number. You will both be bored - do not give the man the opportunity to resume the dialogue. Your new life has begun. Change your number, delete your loved one’s number, change pages on social networks or block the man’s contact, do not look at photos and videos together... In general, protect your psyche by removing out of sight all things that may remind you of pleasant meetings.
How to survive a breakup with a married man?
First time . This is not even discussed. Especially if your feelings were sincere, you loved this person. It will take a number of days, weeks, months to recover from the experience and begin to breathe deeply again. Important: do not withdraw into yourself and try not to go deeply into depression.
- If he wants to cry, cry. Let these be your last tears of grief and despair. They will wash away the remnants of the relationship and you, like a blank slate, can calmly look forward to new adventures in the love field.
- Enlist the support of a close friend who will come, help, feed, listen. Don't be alone with your thoughts for long.
- If your friend is not coping, go to a psychologist, he will definitely help you put everything in its place in your head.
- Change. For yourself, for those around you. Change your hair color, image, clothing style.
- Get creative, choose a direction that you like and try to plunge into it headlong. For example, painting: paint yourself, go to exhibitions, learn something new.
- Don’t shy away from new acquaintances, communicate, make friends, be open to new relationships (just start with friendly ones).
- Sports will help you get rid of negative emotions. If you want to scream and break dishes, you can go to the gym and, without damaging the furniture at home, have a blast on a punching bag, for example.
- Never say the phrase: “I can’t live without him.” You can. You will be able to in the future. And everything will work out for you.
Humans tend to make mistakes. After some time, the pain will subside and it will become easier. A gentleman will appear, or maybe several at once. Let him into your life. But the main thing is that it is a new story, a free relationship with a free person. You no longer need repetition, bitter experience is just experience.
